


This damn family..

by Qbsquare



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sparrow Academy (Umbrella Academy), Ben Hargreeves Deserves Better, Ben fucking fights diego, Ben is alive, Gen, I made this at 3 am, Klaus Hargreeves can't spell, Number Five | The Boy Woke Up And Chose Violence, Number Five | The Boy is So Done, Textfic, The Hargreeves are chaotic, angst will come soon, ben died but came back to life, but in a playful way, some parts might seem ooc sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:21:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28261554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qbsquare/pseuds/Qbsquare
Summary: Klaus added Allison, Luther, Diego, Ben, Vanya, and Five to the groupchat
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Everyone, Ben Hargreeves & The Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Everyone, Diego Hargreeves & The Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Everyone, Klaus Hargreeves & The Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Ben Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & The Hargreeves (Umbrella Academy), Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy) & Everyone, Vanya Hargreeves & Everyone, Vanya Hargreeves & The Hargreeves
Comments: 4
Kudos: 74





	1. satan

Klaus added Allison, Luther, Diego, Ben, Vanya, and Five to the groupchat 

Klaus changed their name to Seance

Seance changed Allison's name to 😍✨actress✨💋

😍✨actress✨💋: Why the emojis?

Ben: h

Seance changed Ben's name to h

Seance changed Luther's name to Brick🪑

Brick🪑: Why brick

Seance: Bc ur dumb

Brick🪑: Why is there a chair emoji

h: JHSBJS 

h: REALLY??? A CHAIR?? 

Vanya: WHY NOT A BRICK EMOJI

Seance: I DIDNT SEE IT, OKAY

Vanya: SO YOU THOUGHT, "Why not use a chair instead?"

Vanya: FJVJSSK

Klaus changed Vanya's name to I thot you were American

Five: Why did you spell it 'thot'. 

Seance: Why not

Five: You know what- okay

Diego: What is this group chat

Diego: Why was it made

Seance changed Diego's name to stabby

Seance: To keep in touch, duh

h: Klaus was bored.

Seance: FUCK YOU BEN

Seance changed h's name to snitch

snitch: 😦

Seance: 😦

😍✨actress✨💋: 😦

I thot you were American: 😦

Stabby: 😦

Five: 😦

Brick🪑: Why are you putting that emoji

Seance: That's why your name is brick, you are a fucking idiot

Five: Yeah, remember that time when he ate peanut butter, forgetting that he had a peanut allergy

Five: and that time he accidentally broke mom's vase, trying to dust it

Five: and the time he kicked a dog while on a walk

Five.. and killed it

Seance: HE WHAT

Seance: Also you know so much????? Like how

Five: I'm very observant

Seance changed Five's name to Santa 

Santa: Why

Seance: He sees you when you're sleeping

Seance: He knows when you're awake

Santa: ..

Seance: Get it?? He's always watching

Santa: Fuck off

Seance: Am i on the naughty list 😏

Santa left the chat

I thot you were American: PFFT

Seance added Santa to the chat

Seance: Hey Snta

Seance: Snat*

Seance: snata*

Seance: samya*

Seance: satan*

snitch: FJSSJSHDG SATAN

I thot you were American: S A T A N

😍✨actress✨💋: satan

Seance: Y'ALL IT WAS A MIS-SPELLING 😭😭

Santa: Satan

Ghost bitch: Satan😈

Seance: THIS IS BULLYINF

Seance changed Santa's name to Satan

Satan: You're literally bullying yourself

Seance: SHTU UP

snitch: This bitch can't spell for shit

Satan: shtu

stabby: satan

I thot you were American: thot

Seance: *GHASP* DID YOU JUST CALL ME A THOT

Brick🪑: What is a 'thot'

Satan: Dad

Satan: He was a thot

snitch: YOU DID NOT-

Seance: AHAHAASHAGSV

I thot you were American: OMG

Brick🪑: I just looked it up

Brick🪑: wtf

Brick🪑: how dare you call dad that

Satan: true

Satan: it's too little, he's a fucking piece of soggy bread, soggy due to being pissed on

Seance: FJSGSHSHSj

Seance changed Satan's name to savage child 

😍✨actress✨💋: FIVE

stabby: JESUS, FIVE

I thot you were American: LMFAO

Seance: Ben is fucking dying

Seance: No, he's like literally rolling on the floor, ears in his eyes

Seance: TEARS*

Ghost bitch: EARS IN MY EYES FSHJSJSSMJ

😍✨actress✨💋: SOMEBODY NEEDS TO TEACH KLAUS HOW TO SPELL, OML

stabby: I second that

\------------

Seance: The toilet blew up

Savage child: what the fuck

Brick🪑: Language

Savage child: how the fuck

Savage child: Klaus, explain

snitch: he shat so much that the toilet exploded

Seance: SJHSSHSHS SHUT THE FUCK UP

Seance: YOU KNOW NOTHING

I thot you were American: There is shit all over the bathroom

stabby: How do you even-

stabby: is his ass blown off

😍✨actress✨💋: WHAT

stabby: is his ass blown off? 

stabby: is he missing a chunk of his ass??

😍✨actress✨💋 hanged seance's name to missing chunks of ass🤪

I thot you were American: no, wtf

stabby: let me see, then

missing chunks of ass🤪: WHAT THE FUCK

stabby: I WAS JOKING 

missing chunks of ass🤪: I mean 😏

stabby: 😏

Savage child: what the fuck

missing chunks of ass🤪: Do you wanna see my thicc ass too

Savage child: what the fuck

Savage child: who would want to see that floppy pancake

missing chunks of ass🤪: WHAT THE FUCK

missing chunks of ass🤪: HOW DARE YOU

I thot you were American: Five woke up and chose violence 

\---------------------------

snitch: i am so gay

stabby changed snitch's name to so gay

so gay: i am going to stab you, Diego

stabby: lol

so gay: you have 10 seconds 

Savage child: well that seems.. ominous 

😍✨actress✨💋: yeah

I thot you were American: Ben just ran into the room and started yelling and punching Diego

missing chunks of ass🤪: what was he yelling?

I thot you were American: "Time's up, bitch!" 

I thot you were American: o shit

Savage child: what

I thot you were American: Luther just scooped Ben up, now he's struggling to get out of his hold

😍✨actress✨💋: LMFAO

I thot you were American: OMG

missing chunks of ass🤪: OMFG, WHAT NOW

I thot you were American: FIVE JUST RAN IN, JUMPED ON LUTHER'S BACK, AND PUT HIM IN A chOKE HOLD, FREEING BEN. FIVE IS LITERALLY JUST RIDING ON LUTHER'S SHOULDERS, WITH HIM IN A CHOKE HOLD

😍✨actress✨💋: WHAT

missing chunks of ass🤪: FSDHSJHKSJ

I thot you were American: BEN IS BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF DIEGO

missing chunks of ass🤪: HELL YEAH, GO BEN

Savage child: I feel lke im ridimg a fucking bull

😍✨actress✨💋: HOW ARE YOU TYPING????

😍✨actress✨💋: Five???

😍✨actress✨💋: o no, is he dead 

I thot you were American: Diego pushed Ben off, and was about to beat him, but Five blinked him and Ben out

Savage child: I'm pretty sure we won

so gay: Yeah

stabby: you did not

so gay: How many hits did you land?? 

so gay: Exactly

😍✨actress✨💋: FJSHSSJHS BEN

missing chunks of ass🤪: He's not wrong though

I thot you were American: yeah

stabby: how dare

Savage child: "How dare" IM- HOW DARE??

stabby: you

Savage child: ME???? AM I BEING THREATENED

missing chunks of ass🤪: HE JUST SAID "you" JSKJSJSKAKAK

stabby: I meant "how dare you"

I thot you were American: but you said "you"

I thot you were American: you

missing chunks of ass🤪: you

Savage child: you

😍✨actress✨💋: you

so gay: you

stabby: Stop

😍✨actress✨💋: you

stabby: stop

missing chunks of ass🤪: you

stabby: please

Savage child: you

stabby: im begging you

I thot you were American: you

stabby left the chat


	2. Luther being bullied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so gay: Top 7 reasons why murder is the answer  
> 1\. if someone who pisses you off daily is dead, they won't piss you off anymore  
> 2\. revenge is great 10/10  
> 3\. it's therapeutic  
> 4\. it's another way to get your anger out  
> 5\. say, one person has dirt on you, if they die, nobody will have dirt on you +nobody would know the secret  
> 6\. they are getting what they deserved  
> 7\. Luther.
> 
> slight tw for mentions of drugs

missing chunks of ass🤪: It's Christmas eve!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Savage child: Why did you put so many !

I thot you were American: CHRISTMAS EVE

so gay: YES

Brick🪑: what's so important about christmas eve

Savage child: Shut the fuck up Luther, you dumb shit, imagine not knowing what's important about Christmas Eve, when you literally celebrate Christmas. Even Klaus, with his pea sized brain, knows. You are so incredibly stupid, Luther. Your fucking brain is smaller than your dick, you truly are the dumbest person i know

missing chunks of ass🤪: HE DID NOT HOLD BACK 

😍✨actress✨💋: FIVE OMG

so gay: 😭😭😭

stabby: NOT THE DICK COMMENT

I thot you were American: JESUS, FIVE 

Brick🪑: i feel attacked

Savage child: You have been attacked, fuck you

so gay: AHAHAHAHAGJAA

missing chunks of ass🤪 changed Savage child's name to Vicious Child

Brick🪑: I'm offended

Vicious Child: What are you gonna do? Call your daddy?

so gay: omg

so gay: he did not just-

I thot you were American: HE PULLED THE CARD

Brick🪑: That is not cool, Five

Vicious Child: I don't give a fuck if it's "not cool". If you're warm i'll shove an icicle into your gut, that should cool you down.

missing chunks of ass🤪: Once again, Five woke up and chose violence

\--------------------

so gay: Top 7 reasons why murder is the answer  
1\. if someone who pisses you off daily is dead, they won't piss you off anymore   
2\. revenge is great 10/10  
3\. it's therapeutic   
4\. it's another way to get your anger out  
5\. say, one person has dirt on you, if they die, nobody will have dirt on you +nobody would know the secret  
6\. they are getting what they deserved  
7\. Luther.

Vicious Child: yes

missing chunks of ass🤪: THE LAST REASON

stabby: 7 is the best reason

I thot you were American: agreed

Vicious Child: agreed

so gay: agreed

missing chunks of ass🤪: agreed

😍✨actress✨💋: agreed

Brick🪑: disagreed

Vicious Child: sftu, you have no room to talk with that peanut sized dick

so gay: HJSJSHJJKSDH

I thot you were American: LMFAO

I thot you were American: HE'S OUT FOR BLOOD OMG

Brick🪑: wtf

Brick🪑: how dare you

missing chunks of ass🤪 changed Brick🪑's name to small dick

small dick: wtf

small dick: why

small dick: this is bullying

stabby: AHSJHSAJSKJ

😍✨actress✨💋: Klaus is doing gods work

so gay changed missing chunks of ass🤪's name to God 

God: don't you dare compare me to that bitch

so gay: oh, i dare

so gay: what are you gonna do

God: i WILL put the cocaine on the top shelf

I thot you were American: COCAINE??

God: I MEANT COOKIES

Vicious Child: HOW DO YOU MISSPELL COOKIES TO COCAINE???

God: IT WAS A MISTAkE

God: SUHYT UP

stabby: cocaine

God: STFU BITCH

😍✨actress✨💋: i love cocaine 

I thot you were American: cocaine is my favorite treat

Vicious Child: cocaine is the best

small dick: Why are you guys talking about drugs?

stabby: do you like cocaine

small dick: no!

Vicious Child: and that is another reason why you have the tiniest dick in existence 

so gay: PFFT

so gay: LMAO

\------

God: CHRISTMAS IS TOMORROW 

I thot you were American: EEEEEEEE

small dick: you've already mentioned that.

God: I know

small dick: stop going on about christmas being tomorrow 

God: Christmas is tomorrow

God: what do you want for Christmas, Luther

Vicious Child: a bigger dick

I thot you were American: AHAKHAKKSKS

I thot you were American: FHHKJSHKKDSJ

Vicious Child: Luther will get coal

Vicious Child: Luther will get coal

Vicious Child: manifestation 

Vicious Child: Luther will get coal

God: Luther will get coal

I thot you were American: Luther will get coal

so gay: Luther will get coal

stabby: Luther will get coal

Vicious Child: Luther will get coal

😍✨actress✨💋: Luther will get coal

small dick: not you too Allison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the characters are all joking in the gc, nobody would actually know if he did (for the Luther bullying thing)
> 
> sorry if this one is a bit short, i normally write more! have a good day or night
> 
> quick Update: the site i write my drafts on keeps deleting them (it has deleted two in the past two days), i will be taking a small break due to frustration. I will be back in a few days :)


	3. Christmas aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vicious Child: fuck you, Luther
> 
> so gay: Klaus, you're on my hitlist
> 
> I thot you were American: You better watch out, Five..
> 
> 😍✨actress✨💋: Vanya, i love you, but i hate you more :)
> 
> small dick: i despise you, diego
> 
> God: i'm declaring war against you, Allison
> 
> stabby: i fucking hate you, ben

Vicious Child: fuck you, Luther

so gay: Klaus, you're on my hitlist

I thot you were American: You better watch out, Five..

😍✨actress✨💋: Vanya, i love you, but i hate you more :)

small dick: i despise you, diego

God: i'm declaring war against you, Allison

stabby: i fucking hate you, ben

Vicious Child: FUCKING SOCKS, LUTHER, WHY

so gay: i can't believe you Klaus, yOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE STUFFED ANIMALS, WHY DID YOU GIVE ME A SQUID STUFFED ANIMAL

I thot you were American: Five, I DO NOT PLAY THE UCKING GUITAR, A VIOLIN AND A GUITAR ARE VERY DIFFERENT THINGS

😍✨actress✨💋: Vanya, what the fuck is wrong with you, I HATE SPIDERS, YOU KNOW THAT

small dick: Diego, your gift was a piece of paper, with 'you have 2 days' wRITTEN ON IT

God: Allison, i know my name is god on here, BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU SHOULD GET ME A BIBLE????

stabby: Ben, you fucking stole my knives and wrapped them up, to give back to me

small dick: diego, you also poisoned my drink???? Why, it was so uncalled for

😍✨actress✨💋: It wasn't just your drink, he poisoned the whole punch bowl, poisoning all of us

so gay: Klaus also spiked the punch bowl

God changed so gay's name to snitch

Snitch: not this name again

snitch: if five didnt only drink coffee, though, we'd all be dead

snitch: since he was the only one not poisoned, because he was drinking coffee

I thot you were American changed Vicious Child's name to coffee addict

I thot you were American: he really does care about us

coffee addict: no i dont

I thot you were American: you could have let us die

coffee addict: i should have let you guys die

God: just admit you love us

coffee addict: die

God: no

coffee addict: if you wont, i will

small dick: You'll what?? Die??

coffee addict: yes, that is what i just said

😍✨actress✨💋: then who'll drink the coffee :(

coffee addict: joe

I thot you were American: no stfu

small dick: who's joe?

snitch: you fucking idiot

God: Luther, you're fucked

coffee addict: joe mama

stabby: AHAHHAAHAB SUCK IT LUTHER FUCKING YES

😍✨actress✨💋: he fell right into the trap😫

small dick: mom drinks coffee?

coffee addict changed small dick's name to dumbass

stabby: you are fucking stupid luther

stabby: 1, mom CAN drink coffee

stabby: 2, WTAFGH THE UFCK

stabby: FIVE WHY WOULD YOU sAVe HIM, HE'D BE BETTER OFF DEAD

\----------

coffee addict: DIEGO GIVE ME MY WATERMELON

stabby: WHY DO YOU HAVE A WATERMELON

coffee addict changed stabby's name to watermelon thief 

coffee addict: GIVE ME MY WATERMELOn

watermelon thief: NO, IM HUNGRY, THIS IS SMY WATERMELON NOW

God: i'm witnessing this amazing scene

God: omg

God: five

coffee addict: I needed that watermelon

God: FIVE AHAGHJHAJKSA

😍✨actress✨💋: what happened

God: walk into the dining room

God: why did everybody just come to the dining room- i only expected Allison

I thot you were American: why is Diego unconscious..

snitch: why is there watermelon chunks everywhere

😍✨actress✨💋: Five, did you-

coffee addict: yes, i smashed it on his head. I was saving it for Luther, though :(

snitch: saving it to smash it over his head..?

coffee addict: exactly 

dumbass: why

coffee addict: to hope that being hit in the head will bring back your brain cells, reverse psychology 

dumass: did you just call me stupid!

coffee addict: look at your fucking name, dumbass

coffee addict: this isnt the first time

dumbass: :(

coffee addict: cry, loser

dumbass: im being bullied by a child, help me guys

😍✨actress✨💋: no, this is entertaining 

😍✨actress✨💋: Luther?

😍✨actress✨💋: Lutheer???

I thot you were American: luther

God: AHGFAAGHJAK

snitch: o no, what is it

God: HES UNCONSCIOUS IN HIS ROOM WITH WATERMELON CHUNKS EVRYHWERE

😍✨actress✨💋: FIVE, WHERE DID YOU GET THE WATERMELON

coffee addict: bitch, i can literally teleport

coffee addict: where do you thing i got it

😍✨actress✨💋: oh

I thot you were American: you stole it??

coffee addict: ding ding

God: who's gonna clean the messes

coffee addict: not it

I thot you were American: not it

😍✨actress✨💋: not it

snitch: not it

God: not it

God: god dammit 

\-------------

God: y'all, diego is thicc

watermelon thief: what the fuck

God: YOURE CONSCIOUS??? NEVERMIND, WRONG PERSON 

watermelon thief: i have a big headache 

watermelon thief: it hurts like hell

God: it's because five smashed a watermelon ever your head

watermelon thief: he what

coffee addict changed God's name to snitch 2

coffee addict: you're next, Klaus

snitch 2: uh oh

snitch 2: hes joking right

😍✨actress✨💋: tbf, he has already knocked 2 people unconscious

snitch 2: you wouldn't five, im yoiur favorite brother, right! remember how i got you coffee for christams?

I thot you were American: that was Allison, she gave five coffee

snitch 2: you wouldn't do that to me, rightb ifve

snitch 2: shgksdlljzm

watermelon thief: is he okay

😍✨actress✨💋: i think he was just attacked

watermelon thief: haha, L, imaging being attcked by a watermelon

I thot you were American: you were literally the first victim, Diego

watermelon thief: stfu

\----------

i thot you were American: five

coffee addict: yeah

i thot you were American: i like the guitar, im learning how to play it, thank you

coffee addict: im glad to hear that

snitch 2 changed I thot you were American's name to Violinist? no, guitarist.

\------

snitch 2: Baby, baby, baby, oh

watermelon thief: is he lyric pranking us

😍✨actress✨💋: yeah

snitch 2: Like baby, baby, baby, no

Violinist? no, guitarist: not the Justin Bieber song

snitch 2: Like baby, baby, baby, oh

coffee addict: i think the watermelon had the wrong effect on him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my search history: justin bieber songs (i didn't know any other songs to use so i used Justin's, 😭)


	4. New years conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> snitch changed ben's name to ben drowned
> 
> coffee addict: klaus..
> 
> coffee addict: are you re-entering your creepypasta phase
> 
> snitch: no
> 
> ben drowned: he totally is
> 
> _______________
> 
> in case you forgot
> 
> snitch 2 is Klaus  
> snitch is Ben  
> watermelon thief is Diego  
> dumbass is Luther  
> coffee addict is Five  
> 😍✨actress✨💋 is Allison  
> Violinist? no, guitarist is Vanya

snitch 2: happy new year, clowns

snitch: happy new years, bitch

coffee addict: happy new years, to the worst family /lh

watermelon thief: you woke me up, wtf

😍✨actress✨💋: happy new years to you too, asshole

Violinist? no, guitarist: luther is asleep, what a loser

coffee addict: imageine sleeping thorugh new years

coffee addict: couldb't be me

snitch: only luther is dumb enough to do that

snitch 2: agreed

😍✨actress✨💋: hey, don't be mean >:(

coffee addict: stfu

😍✨actress✨💋: bitch

coffee addict: cabbage

coffee addict: cabbitch

😍✨actress✨💋: wow you got me there

vanya changed 😍✨actress✨💋's name to cabbitch

cabbitch: :'(

coffee addict: cry acbintbci

coffee addict: cabbiych

coffee addict: cabbitch

cabbitch: wtf was that first one

Violinist? no, guitarist: "acbintbci"

snitch: bitch, thats the alphabet??

snitch 2: no it isnt

snitch 2: wait

snitch 2: i totally see it omg

coffee addict: shut up

Violinist? no, guitarist: how do u misspell it like thatr

coffee addict: thatr

Violinist? no, guitarist: acbintbci

coffee addict: touche

cabbitch: VANYA IS DEFINATLY FIVE'S FAV SIBLING

snitch: ikr, he wouldve killed anyone else if they did that

snitch 2: or smashed a watermelon over their heads

snitch changed vanya's name to five's fave sibling

five's fave sibling: im honored

five's fave sibling: but ben is my favorite

coffee addict: ...

five's fave sibling: jk <3

coffee addict: ben, you better fucing run. i just got platonically rejected, and i will not have any competition. You have 2 days. Actually, make it an hour. I will fucking find you, and wipe your existence off the planet.

coffee addict: nevermind i didnt see the message

snitch: BAHAHAAKJHK

five's fave sibling: WHAT

cabbitch: oh my

snitch 2: oh shit

cabbitch: PROOF THAT VANYS IS THE FAVOrITE

watermelon thief: im trying to sleep shut up

cabbitch: turn your fucking phone off

coffee addict: exactly dumbass

watermelon thief: fuck off

watermelon thief: hey thi s is five

watermelon thief: i snatched his phone

cabbitch: say something we could use for blackmail

coffee addict: smart

watermelon thief: i like luther

watermelon thief: like like him'

watermelon thief: madly in love with him

cabbitch took a screenshot of chat

five's fave sibling took a screenshot of chat

coffee addict took a screenshot of chat

snitch took a screenshot of chat

snitch 2 took a screenshot of chat

watermelon thief: Allison is my least favorite sibling, there's just nothing good about her 

cabbitch: Digeo is so dead

coffee addict took a screenshot of chat

snitch took a screenshot of chat

five's fave sibling took a screenshot of chat

cabbitch took a screenshot of chat

snitch 2 took a screenshot of chat

five's fave sibling: this is great

coffee addict deleted a chat

coffee addict deleted a chat

coffee addict: getting rid of the evidence

coffee addict: give me a sec

coffee addict deleted a chat

coffee addict deleted a chat

coffee addict deleted a chat 

watermelon thief deleted a chat

watermelon thief deleted a chat

coffee addict: I'm going to go off, play along

coffee addict: to help convince

coffee addict deleted a chat 

coffee addict deleted a chat

watermelon thief: I absolutely despise Allison. She has done nothing for this family! 

Five --> Allison:

I promise, nobody thinks this, if they did i would rip out their lungs

Allison: <3

Family groupchat

cabbitch: :(

five's fave sibling: Wtf Diego

snitch: that is not true!

watermelon thief: Don't even get me started on Diego

watermelon thief: shit, i forgot who i'm controlling

watermelon thief deleted a chat

watermelon thief deleted a chat

watermelon thief: don't even get me started on Ben

snitch: Bitch, tf you gonna say about me

snitch has removed watermelon thief's rights to talk for 15 minutes.

snitch: exactly

coffee addict: the fun's almost over, now we just wait to see Luther's reaction, when he wakes up

coffee addict deleted a chat

\---

dumbass: wtf Diego

dumbass: what is wrong with you

Klaus created a groupchat with Vanya, Ben, Allison, and Five

Klaus renamed to groupchat to: Watching this shit go down.

Klaus: omg

Five: luther is barging into diego's room?

Klaus: yes, 

Vanya: do you think it will get violent

Five: definitely 

Allison: i almost feel bad for diego

Allison: almost

Vanya: who do you think will win

Klaus: let's place bets!

Klaus: ill start

Klaus: 20 dollars on Diego

Allison: i feel like luther might win, with strenght and all

Allison: 25 on luther

Ben: 15 on Diego, because im a broke bitch

Vanya: ill say 20 on luther, to even it out

Klaus: Five?

Five: diego actually knows how to fight

Five: 20 on Diego

Family Groupchat

cabbitch: you guys owe me some money 👀 

coffee addict: no 

five's fave sibling:: me too!

coffee addict: ill give mine to vanya 

five's fave sibling: :D

snitch: ill give mine to Allison

snitch 2: ill give mine to Allison, too

cabbitch: but then Vanya earns 15 less :(

coffee addict: ill give her an extra 15

five's fave sibling: you don't have to!

coffee addict: but i will

cabbitch: ANTHER EXAMPLE OF PROOF THAT VANYA IS FIVE'S FAVORITE

coffee addict: im not even gonna deny it

coffee addict: she's pretty much the only one with common sense

coffee addict: besides ben

five's fave sibling: :)

snitch: does that mean im your second favorite???

coffee addict: ...

coffee addict: yes

snitch: LDSNKDSLJBDS 

snitch: im in Fives top three :')

watermelon thief: who's third

coffee addict: mom

watermelon thief: fuck you

watermelon thief: also, what was that bout earlier

watermelon thief: with the money

snitch 2: we placed bets on who would win the fight 

coffee addict: Klaus is officially the #1 snitch

coffee addict changed snitch's name to ben

coffee addict changed snitch 2's name to snitch

snitch: i have an actually good idea for ben's name

cabbitch: i dont trust this

five's fave sibling: me neither

snitch changed ben's name to ben drowned

coffee addict: klaus..

coffee addict: are you re-entering your creepypasta phase

snitch: no

ben drowned: he totally is

snitch: DFJKDLSDK FUCK YOU

cabbitch: but the real question is

cabbitch: whos ur favorite

snitch: .. laughing jack

cabbitch: ..

cabbitch has kicked snitch out from the chat

cabbitch: ben, whos ur favorite pasta

ben drowned: eyeless jack

cabbitch: i am this close to kicking you 

cabbitch: diego?

watemelon thief: jeff 

cabbitch has kicked watermelon thief out from the chat

cabbitch: vanya?

five's fave sibling: i dont know what that is

cabbitch: that's fine. Im not going to ask luther cause he prob doesnt know either

cabbitch: Five?

coffee addict: Zero

cabbitch: understandable

cabbitch: i like clockwork

ben drowned: clockwork's cool

dumbass added Diego to the chat

dumbass added Klaus to the chat

cabbitch: i forgot that names go away if theyre kicked

cabbitch changed Diego's name to walmart batman

coffee addict: Klaus, why is laughing jack your favorite

coffee addict: you're literally afraid fo clowns

Klaus: SHtzu UP

five's fave sibling: shtzu?

cabbitch changed Klaus's name to spelling king

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Allison finally got a name change! sorry that it took a bit to get this published

**Author's Note:**

> all spelling/grammar errors are intentional


End file.
